Don't hold yourself back in commercial real estate (Newsletter Issue 1)

TLDR: 3 problems of self-limitation hold us back.  Skip to the bottom for a description of the 3 problems.

Why I write about commercial real estate and women

I have been working in commercial real estate finance for over 20 years.

Since starting my career as a bank trainee in the early 2000s and working my way up to EVP (top 1% of 22,000 colleagues) and C-Suite roles, I have learned what 3 main issues we individually can address to raise the number of women directly participating in the commercial real estate (“CRE”) industry. 

The statistics on women in decision-making and control seats in CRE finance and ownership are slowly improving, though not yet where we all would like to see them. 

To create opportunity in CRE for other women, I’m writing my opinions, beliefs, and experiences down for you.  I won’t gatekeep my knowledge.  It’s yours to use as you think about buying CRE properties, providing capital to CRE owners, building CRE properties, brokering CRE transactions, or having a career path within CRE.  It's a big industry!

Sidebar: Defining commercial real estate

Some of you are not very familiar with CRE.  Some of you know certain areas within CRE, but not others. That’s okay. There is no ego at this table. 

This is a judgment-free newsletter.

Experts broadly view the overall real estate market in two buckets:

• Residential Real Estate
• Commercial Real Estate

Residential real estate includes individual, small-scale properties for living. Sometimes capital providers will include smaller apartment properties (1-4 family apartment buildings) into the residential category.  For ease, think of residential real estate as any small-scale property occupied by one or a few families, where you can count the families on one hand.

Commercial real estate is, broadly, everything else.  Mid- and large-scale properties and portfolios of properties are found everywhere, with different asset “classes” in many neighborhoods, such as residential rental apartment properties (> 4 apartments), offices, retail properties, industrial properties, and specialized properties, like schools and hospitals.

Let’s use numbers.

CRE is a value paradise, driven in part by cash flow from leases.  Though the  physical size of CRE across the US is 40% of the physical size of the residential real estate market, the value of CRE per square foot is higher.  The statistics below are the gross value of US CRE, not the transaction volume:

• US Residential Real Estate Market: $52 trillion value, 256 billion total square feet, $203 average value per square foot
• US Commercial Real Estate Market: $22.5 trillion value, 97 billion total square feet, $232 average value per square foot

You have the basics.  I’ll expand on the CRE market in future newsletters.

Why am I starting with the issues holding (we) women back instead of diving into commercial real estate?

These 3 issues are universally understood across many industries. 

They are acutely felt in the commercial real estate industry, given the low levels of women in decision-making and control seats.

I’m starting with one of the hardest topics to discuss openly to demonstrate that I will tackle the tough stuff here.

The silver lining is that you can absorb commercial real estate education from the right mindset, once you've seen the issues and how to overcome them.

The women that make a difference do not play the blame or shame game.  We will not blame anyone here.  Why not?  We actively put ourselves in a powerless seat when we do so.  We will discuss what we can control in front of us, not that which we cannot control at this moment.

Here are 3 of the real issues holding (we) women back from the driver’s seat in commercial real estate, and how we individually solve them

Problem #1: You have not yet shed the false you, i.e. you haven't become what you want to be.

The advice you got from others throughout your life was not a reflection of you, but of them.

When you were 12 years old, well meaning others told you what you should aspire to be.  This was based on their life experiences and expectations.

You are now an adult.  

Do you feel out of place, and/or dissatisfied with your path?

Look inward.  Whose life are you living?

How we solve Problem #1:  No one saves any of us.  We must find who we are intended to be through the study of our own likes and dislikes.  

Have you buried what you really like?  For example, let's say you are in a commercial real estate career that is analytics focused, but you are on the wrong path for you.  Realizing that you are on the wrong path in your career is an insight that only you can determine for you.  No one else can tell another capable adult which path they should take.

So you are currently in an analytical role, but you prefer to be in a sales role.  What will you do with this understanding of yourself?  Remind yourself that you decide for you.  You accept who you are, what you like, and what you want to be, and you start talking about the path that is your goal, come what may.

This applies across all commercial real estate hopes.  Imagine instead that you want to invest in commercial real estate as a limited partner, or you want to buy a CRE property.  If you are clear in your goal, you must write it down, you talk openly about it, and begin to dig into how you make it happen.  You do it for you, ignoring others who are fearful of your path because they would not follow it themselves.

Problem #2: You are starting to shed the false you, but you are fearful of judgment and condemnation from others.

Judgment and condemnation from others reveals much about ourselves.  Do we rely too much on external validation, for example, or do we let our own goals fall when someone puts their own insecurities on us?  Do we stall ourselves when society at large comes in with a blanket judgment?  When someone in front of us presents their own biases, what is our response?

We each will meet biased people and we each will be biased people.  We all have the capacity to be the villain in another person's story.  

What can you do this moment, to fortify yourself against the judgment and condemnation that will come from insecure, unhealed, emotionally dis-regulated adults?

What can you do to be that which you want to see from others?

How we solve Problem #2: I believe in a future where we together have solved much of the biases, judgment and condemnation that exists widely, by doing our own individual work.  No one, not even me, gets a pass if I exhibit bias.  Also, no one can become better unless she or he chooses to do her own work toward being more open, and understanding.

I can control only this exact moment.  I cannot force an unwilling "other" to be better by shaming and blaming her or him.

We show up with a non-judgmental attitude if we ourselves do not want judgment.

To the fathers, uncles, husbands, and partners who are helping young women today become their future selves: I understand that the advice given in years prior was meant to guide and protect women.  But our women today need new advice.  We women stand next to you to bring more women forward into our full power and self-actualization.

Problem #3: You are embracing what you want to become, but you keep focusing on "Gatekeepers" all around you.

There is an extreme false premise that there isn't enough to go around.  Land, buildings and space are limited and we must not let anyone else into the pie.

Therefore, your only option is to stake your territory, right?  Otherwise you'll lose!

What a sad way to operate through life.

Some (not all) people operate as suspicious Gatekeepers who lock down the pie for themselves. Gatekeepers live in all industries and all companies.  They exist at every level.  

• The Gatekeeper believes that the pie isn't big enough for everyone.  That some individuals will win and others must lose.
• The Gatekeeper lives a checker-board reality of her or his own creation.  In commercial real estate, like other industries, the stories that the Gatekeeper tells are intricate, and fabricated out of fear.
• The Gatekeeper is ready to attack when there is a false glimmer of “proof” that the other person is "out to get them."   

This approach is self-imposed lunacy to combat fear of loss.

There is a difference between a suspicious Gatekeeper stance, and a calm stoic stance.  The former is closed and fixed-minded, and the latter is open and flexibly-minded.

How we solve Problem #3:  For those of you who have risen out of the skirmishes and misplaced belief that everyone is out to get you, congratulations.  You have realized that the game does not need to be played this way.  

Many women solve Problem #1 and Problem #2 for themselves, only to hit Problem #3 and walk away from the industry.

Not everyone operates in a suspicious, closed, fixed manner.  Your goal is to set out your own beacon as someone who is open and flexibly-minded, while not getting into the Gatekeepers' games.

I find that the women in particular who embrace what they like, stop worrying about others' inputs, and then gracefully approach the Gatekeepers have learned something very important.

The Gatekeeper has no power if you don't let what she or he says affect you.  

The next time someone says, "Women don't like Commercial Real Estate," or "Women aren't as good at X," or "Women don't choose Y role because..." make sure you understand that you've just found a Gatekeeper.

And your job is to never take seriously the advice of someone gatekeeping.  Your interests are not aligned.

Ladies, we play chess, not checkers.  There is plenty of success to go around for all.  We want everyone to thrive, to succeed, to win.  We live on a higher plane than the plane where individuals protect their own fiefdoms.

Claim your power: A summary

Figure out what role or experience you would truly like to have in commercial real estate.

Ignore the judgments; stop judging others yourself.

Kindly maneuver around Gatekeepers, as you play collaborative chess; don't play suspicious checkers.

Would you like to offer suggestions on this newsletter, or do you have topics you'd love me to cover?

Contact me to let me know.